First Encounters: “Porn Virgin” Chapter from The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn on Oprah

Watching porn is way different than watching a full-length erotic feature film, or a Hollywood movie. But when it’s your first few times, or you see porn you don’t understand, chances are good no one told you just how different this viewing experience was going to be. Or that it’s a viewing experience you need to proactively control so you see what you want, or to avoid things you won’t enjoy.

Women first encounter porn in a variety of ways. We all have different reactions, ranging from feeling freaked out to being turned on and inspired. How pornography makes us feel depends on a lot of factors. However, just as with orgasm and masturbation, no one tells us how to look at porn for the first time, or first few times, or how to decide if porn is a sex toy that might work for you. And no one tells us that a) it’s okay if you really like it, or b) it’s perfectly okay to try it and then decide it’s just not for you — without having to take a radical pro-porn or anti-porn stance on the whole thing. Part of the development of this blog as a resource includes creating guides to help you find the porn that’s right for you, and good for the culture it represents. It’s part of the “Whole Foods” approach to porn I’m cultivating.

First timers, or women with questions about their first encounters with porn might find this helpful: Oprah requested to put an excerpt from my book The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn on her website as a free resource. Specifically, not just an excerpt but the entire chapter, “I Was A Porn Virgin.” It’s a great place to start and gives context as to why watching pornography is different than watching a full-length erotic feature film, or a Hollywood movie. Here’s a snip:

Aside from mouse clicks or pro-porn boyfriends, the context for your first foray into porn may not intentionally be a sexual one, solo or otherwise. You might watch your first porn film when your best friend drags you to a bachelorette party, or when a pal suggests something wild, like renting a dirty movie. If you decide you’re okay with going along for the ride, know that you’re doing just that—it’s likely that your friend or friends were too nervous to watch porn on their own, and wanted to have you there to make it feel safer. It can be a lot of fun to watch porn with friends, and with the right crowd you might wind up laughing your head off. Prepare yourself by knowing that there’s a chance you might see something that will arouse you or offend you, and realizing that, you’ll be better able to disengage from seeing explicitly sexual material with people you don’t feel sexual about. However, if you’d like to consider adding porn to your erotic repertoire, I recommend that you watch your first porn by yourself.

Women who watch porn alone and solely for themselves know what they like, enjoy trying new things, feel confident in making their own sexual choices, and like to treat themselves to masturbation on their own time and on their own terms. This reality is light years away from the decades-old, false stereotype of porn viewers as male, raincoat-clad, drooling, compulsive masturbators. Whether done by a gal enjoying time with her roommates gone, the mom with a quiet evening to spare, a girl whose boyfriend is out of town for the weekend, or just as part of a healthy masturbation session, watching porn ignites routine masturbation with a visceral erotic spark. (…read more, oprah.com)

About violet

Violet Blue (tinynibbles.com) is a Forbes "Web Celeb," a high-profile tech personality and one of Wired's "Faces of Innovation." She is regarded as the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive pundit in mainstream media (MacLife, The Oprah Winfrey Show, others) and is regularly interviewed, quoted and featured prominently by major media outlets. Violet has many award-winning, best selling books; her book The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn is featured on Oprah's website. She was the notorious sex columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. She headlines at conferences ranging from ETech, LeWeb and SXSW: Interactive, to Google Tech Talks at Google, Inc. The London Times named Blue one of the 40 bloggers who really count (2010). Violet Blue is in no way associated with the unauthorized use of her name (or likeness) and registered trademark in pornographic films.
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