Young People’s Blog: On Porn and Sex (and Relationships)

Teens peep porn; they need to understand what they’ve seen. What you say to a kid after they’ve seen pornography depends on the context, your moral compass, community values, and the kind of sexual citizen you want to raise. But what do you say to a kid after you find out they’ve seen pornography and know you need to say something? Well, here’s a post about porn content and context from a UK youth sex and relationships blog — maybe a good place to start is to look at what youth are saying to each other about porn. And what they’re saying on Bish might surprise you.

Bish is a sex and relationships blog for young people, and they wrote a very detailed post called Porn School: The Problem With Learning About Sex From Porn. At the start, they warn that if you’re young and have not seen porn, to go away immediately, and I appreciate that (whether or not it works, it lets kids know they are entering an arena they are not supposed to be in, or are ready for). However, taking into account that under-18s do encounter pornography — in a wide range of contexts — the post takes a “harm reduction” approach and instead of saying explicit imagery is bad without further discussion, attempts to put into context what kids have seen and how it relates to the real world of sex and relationships.

Most after-the-fact discussion about porn viewing with kids seems to be nonexistent, or a scare-tactic house of horrors, and I think this is really problematic. Kids aren’t dumb, and they have a lot of questions; if they have questions, they deserve answers.

Anyway, I’m interested to know what you think of this. It would be nice to see this developed into a primer for teens about porn that tells them how fake it is, that it’s basically like “Jackass” for sex, but also does not make girls feel like victims or tell boys they will be rapists — as punishment for natural sexual curiosity, or living in shame as adults should they decide to incorporate it into their own self-defined, hopefully healthy sex lives. Better yet, a primer for sex-positive parents and moms to help navigate talking to their kids about porn. Great job, Bish! Snip:

So lots of young people learn about sex and relationships from porn. The problem with this is that they can learn good and bad things. The legal age for watching porn is over 18, I think this is a good thing. I think that you need to be old enough to understand some of the things going on.

Anyway I’ve written a blog below which should correct some misunderstandings you might have about porn if you’ve watched some and are confused.

Even though they are actually having sex in porn scenes, they are acting. It’s kind of like wrestling on the telly, it’s all made up even though it’s real. They are usually pretending to enjoy it, it’s edited together to look more fun, it lasts for ages, everything happens in the same order and they are putting on a show.

Porn sex is completely different from real sex.

Some things are so common in porn that viewers can start to think that it’s ‘normal’. For example cumming (ejaculating) on someone is very popular in porn, but not everyone likes it really. Also anal sex is much more popular in porn than in real life. (…read more, bishtraining.wordpress.com)

About violet

Violet Blue (tinynibbles.com) is a Forbes "Web Celeb," a high-profile tech personality and one of Wired's "Faces of Innovation." She is regarded as the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive pundit in mainstream media (MacLife, The Oprah Winfrey Show, others) and is regularly interviewed, quoted and featured prominently by major media outlets. Violet has many award-winning, best selling books; her book The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn is featured on Oprah's website. She was the notorious sex columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. She headlines at conferences ranging from ETech, LeWeb and SXSW: Interactive, to Google Tech Talks at Google, Inc. The London Times named Blue one of the 40 bloggers who really count (2010). Violet Blue is in no way associated with the unauthorized use of her name (or likeness) and registered trademark in pornographic films.
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3 Responses to Young People’s Blog: On Porn and Sex (and Relationships)

  1. Pingback: Why You Shouldn’t Learn About Sex From Porn | Good Vibrations Magazine

  2. Pingback: Why You Shouldn't Learn About Sex From Porn | Charlie Glickman

  3. Naomi Sakura says:

    i would have to agree that teens under 18 at least should not watch porn although lets not totally blame porn because of their parents!!! I’m sure there are many teens that saw or heard their parents doing some freaky things. But yes I think porn is more for a couple or people who want to experiment to see how things feel. For instance most guys don’t know about a woman’s g spot!!!! and some women don’t know how to orgasm. I actually do online porn and i find it to be quite fun and entertaining experimenting with different things.

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