Concerns About Porn

Everyone has concerns about pornography. Many of us are told that there are very serious and scary problems, and consequences, associated with watching and enjoying porn. Some of us will look at one pornographic video and see something offensive, and never want to watch porn again. It’s true that everyone has concerns, and there is something out there to offend everyone. But most women don’t know that their concerns can help them find accurate answers about what they’ve seen, and find explicit visual stimulation that does not compromise their ethics or morals. The viewing choices in porn are many.

If you don’t know anything about modern pornography, are feeling unsure, or are feeling morally at odds with an aspect of sex, pornography can bring up powerful feelings. Pornography is about something very personal and intimate to the viewer, so it can touch on issues that can be intense. Especially for us women. Unfortunately, our ability to understand our feelings and understanding of pornography is often clouded by misinformation from pundits who suggest that academic research is being cited — where instead it is anecdotal “research” (not peer-reviewed), and from questionably funded sources.

Much like old myths (that people accepted as fact) that masturbation caused blindness and that women did not have the physical capacity to enjoy sex, a few modern myths exist about pornography.

Porn Degrades Women

For most people, the idea of a woman being shamed, degraded or sexually harmed for someone’s viewing pleasure is not acceptable, nor arousing. Some people have strong convictions around pornography and women, and believe that graphic erotic images of women are harmful, from cartoons to “tube”-style videos — regardless of the participation level of the woman in the imagery, or the intent of the viewer. Another perspective sees porn as an industry that forces women, physically, emotionally or economically into sexual slavery. After all, no woman would voluntarily do something like that. Nor would any woman like it. Or would she?

People who make statements saying that porn (all porn, including feminist and homemade porn) degrades women are making a lot of assumptions about the people in porn, and the people watching it. And no one is asking the women in the “degrading” images how they feel about it. What does “degrading” mean? It means to lower, make inferior, drag down moral character. So, whose standards are we talking about here, if we’re saying a woman’s value is measured by sex?

* This posits as fact that the woman is ashamed of what she is doing — or she should be.
* This claims that she isn’t enjoying it, or that women as a class can’t, don’t or should not be allowed to enjoy certain kinds of sex.
* This states that penetrative sex makes you less than human, and a helpless victim.
* This states that the viewer is always male (and always non-gay).

Degradation is in the eye of the beholder. To say that you feel degraded by seeing women behaving in graphic ways (in ways specifically offensive to you), that is reasonable and you should not see things that make you uncomfortable. Being tolerant and supporting female sexual expression that is different that yours does not mean that you have to like everything. Don’t look at, send traffic to, or condone things that make you feel this way.

At the same time, it is impossible to know how other people are feeling or reacting to what you are seeing. There are women who are having the opposite reaction to yours. And it is doubly impossible, unless you ask them, to know if the women in the porn you are seeing are being degraded by what they are doing. You cannot make decisions for other women. Find out the story behind what you are seeing before you decide to tell that person’s story — or you risk being wrong, or worse. Each individual must be allowed to decide what is healthy for her or him: no one else can decide that for you, or another person. And remember: many porn performers are successful because they make their work look like it’s not a job. Contrary to the popular fables about pimps and helpless, lost little girls who need someone to save them; today’s porn performers are feminist-identified, strong-minded CEO’s of their own multi-million dollar companies. And they do not appreciate being labeled “degraded.”

The statement that porn degrades women completely discounts the experience of gay men — and there is a huge worldwide gay porn industry. If all porn degrades all women, then who does gay porn degrade? By the same token, who is degraded by genderqueer or feminist porn?

Only People Who Can’t Have A “Real” Relationship Watch Porn

This is one of the most hurtful myths that shames people into sexual isolation. Retail statistics and surveys conducted by unbiased sources such as Nielsen NetRatings show that 1 in 3 women watch porn, 25% of internet users view porn, and heterosexual couples are watching porn more than ever before — these everyday people are using porn to enhance their relationships or find release between relationships.

Many people in relationships take time out for solitary pleasure which can provide release from sexual tension: in these instances, pornography is used as visual stimulation as effective as a girl’s favorite vibrator. Taking time out to masturbate when you’re in a relationship is not cheating, it’s taking care of yourself.

By the same token, there is a pervasive myth that porn performers are also people who “can’t have a real relationship.” In talking to the performers themselves, we see that this is far from the truth. Suggested reading includes Porn Stars In Love and Sex For Money, Not Love.

Porn Will Make Me Need Harder Stuff

That’s like saying that someone who tries hot sauce and really likes it will never be satisfied until they set their tongues on fire. Some people will want to see scary movies that are increasingly outrageous, but it only feeds the viewer’s appetite for ridiculous fiction. The concern here is desensitization to explicit sexual imagery. But really, is a triple-X Jersey Shore porn parody really a gateway drug?

Porn addiction is a concern that has emerged within the past three years. In An Epidemic of Sex Addiction? Dr. Marty Klein provides clarity about understanding obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and pornography use.

It’s quite true that some people can become habituated to certain stimuli (especially when they find something that works well for them), such as a frequent erotic fantasy, a pet vibrator, or a favorite sex position. When you find something that you really like (or that brings reliable enjoyment to sex), repeat use does not mean that you are “addicted” to it. Though if you’d like to change your masturbation habits, broaden your range, or incorporate something to share with your partner, you can adopt new practices. Masturbation is the key method for incorporating new sexual practices, and by arousing yourself with masturbation through familiar methods, you can try new sexual behaviors and evolve your sexual repertoire.

The notion that men are brutes who will become desensitized to love, intimacy and real-life sex by needing harder and harder pornography is simply unprovable. Porn can’t make a man care less about the welfare, safety and respect of a woman unless he already has low regard for women: parents instill these core values. This theory remains a myth because there is no substantiative proof that makes it fact. Watching pornography does not give you some unquenchable thirst to find something harder, more extreme — you already have this urge before you turn on the computer or TV. It’s true that when you grow comfortable you will crave variation — but always only within the bounds of what is sexually comfortable for you.

Watching Porn Makes Men Rape, Sexually Violent, And Child Molesters

First and foremost: people who sexually abuse children are interested in children and pedophiliac imagery, not consensual adult porn. Those interested in sexualizing underage kids will be much more interested in watching movies that depict children being sexualized than video depicting adult sex. Adult pornography is a voluntary arousal tool, like sexual fantasy (the imagination), erotic books, and sex toys (to name a few). They lack the power to “make” anyone do anything they do not already want to do.

Much thought and investigation has gone into whether or not porn increases or reduces rape and violent behaviors. Unfortunately, unbiased proof connecting porn and rape has not been provided in items that are not opinion pieces, or are problematic on data or sources. A number of articles and data analysis pieces have been written with the intent to balance out this argument. Several articles and reports of note include:

* CSPH: Effects of Pornography (thecsph.org)
* Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality: What Sexual Scientists Know About Pornography (PDF download, sexscience.org)
* US Government, The Commission on Obscenity and Pornography Report, 1970: Report of the Commission on Obscenity and Pornography (books.google.com)
* Reason Magazine: Is Pornography a Catalyst of Sexual Violence? (reason.com)
* Reason Magazine: Does More Porn Make Society Better? (reason.com)
* Slate: How the Web Prevents Rape (slate.com)
* ScienceBlogs: Just how bad is porn? Revisited post (scienceblogs.com)

The highlights according to data? Pornography use is not indicative of high risk for sexual aggression, nor is there anything in peer-reviewed research to date even remotely suggesting that pornography causes sexual violence. In fact, the data suggests that viewing pornography is not a direct cause of aggression against women. Rather, viewing pornography moderates the relationship between sexual promiscuity/hostile masculinity and sexual aggression.

Be Concerned, Be Smart

The truth is, most porn from mainstream sources isn’t made with quality, thoughtfulness, sexual intelligence, or love. But many smart, educated and tech-savvy people are changing that, and it’s toppling the porn industry dynamics — and its economics. It is the sexual “omnivore’s dilemma.” If our porn concerns us, we must buy it from people who are ethical. And so we are.

It’s up to us to confront our concerns and find out if there’s any truth to them. We need facts to save us from any actual harm — or the myths will become harmful. We must understand what people are saying when they claim porn harms and encourage real talk about degradation, violence against women, and porn addiction. Shaming people for having sexual interest and women who watch porn will not help anyone. It’s not that you have desire, it’s what you do with it.