Young People’s Blog: On Porn and Sex (and Relationships)

Teens peep porn; they need to understand what they’ve seen. What you say to a kid after they’ve seen pornography depends on the context, your moral compass, community values,and the kind of sexual citizen you want to raise. But what do you say to a kid after you find out they’ve seen pornographyand know you need to say something? Well, here’s a post about porn contentand context from a UK youth sexand relationships blog — maybe a good place to start is to look at what youth are saying to each other about porn. And what they’re saying on Bish might surprise you.

Bish is a sexand relationships blog for young people,and they wrote a very detailed post called Porn School: The Problem With Learning About Sex From Porn. At the start, they warn that if you’re youngand have not seen porn, to go away immediately,and I appreciate that (whether or not it works, it lets kids know they are entering an arena they are not supposed to be in, or are ready for). However, taking into account that under-18s do encounter pornography — in a wide range of contexts — the post takes a “harm reduction” approachand instead of saying explicit imagery is bad without further discussion, attempts to put into context what kids have seenand how it relates to the real world of sexand relationships.
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Most after-the-fact discussion about porn viewing with kids seems to be nonexistent, or a scare-tactic house of horrors,and I think this is really problematic. Kids aren't dumb,and they have a lot of questions; if they have questions, they deserve answers.

Anyway, I'm interested to know what you think of this. It would be nice to see this developed into a primer for teens about porn that tells them how fake it is, that it's basically like "Jackass" for sex, but also does not make girls feel like victims or tell boys they will be rapists -- as punishment for natural sexual curiosity, or living in shame as adults should they decide to incorporate it into their own self-defined, hopefully healthy sex lives. Better yet, a primer for sex-positive parentsand moms to help navigate talking to their kids about porn. Great job, Bish! Snip:

So lots of young people learn about sexand relationships from porn. The problem with this is that they can learn goodand bad things. The legal age for watching porn is over 18, I think this is a good thing. I think that you need to be old enough to understand some of the things going on.

Anyway I’ve written a blog below which should correct some misunderstandings you might have about porn if you’ve watched someand are confused.

Even though they are actually having sex in porn scenes, they are acting. It’s kind of like wrestling on the telly, it’s all made up even though it’s real. They are usually pretending to enjoy it, it’s edited together to look more fun, it lasts for ages, everything happens in the same orderand they are putting on a show.

Porn sex is completely different from real sex.

Some things are so common in porn that viewers can start to think that it’s ‘normal’. For example cumming (ejaculating) on someone is very popular in porn, but not everyone likes it really. Also anal sex is much more popular in porn than in real life. (...read more, bishtraining.wordpress.com)